YOU'VE GOT ISSUES - A BREAKDOWN OF ISSUES BIG AND SMALL

Well, as much as I'd like to spend the remaining few days before the election analyzing every little detail of each campaign, I'm going to use up until election day to go over a few thoughts on some of the issues, both big and small, that are surrounding this election season. My apologies to those of you who wanted an analysis of Joe the Plumber, or Sarah Palin jokes (but here's one for the road: Knock knock. Who's there? Sarah Palin. Sarah Palin Who? That's a gotcha' question.) I heard that from a kid that couldn't have been more than 8. Either he heard it somewhere and repeated very well, or for an eight-year-old, he just has an advanced understanding of how politics and social humor have a naturally beautiful crossroads. Either way, whoever you were, kid outside the Ralph's Grocery Store, I liked your joke. But now, it's time to get down to some issues. I'm going to start locally, with the Gay Marriage issue that is a really big battle right now in California, and I believe also in Florida. In the 2006 elections, 7 different states made votes on similar propositions, all designed to ban gay marriage in the state. Here's my view:

GAY MARRIAGE
We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men, except men who are attracted to other men, are created equal. If Californians, and the U.S. population in general want to continue to try and ban gay marriage, this is how I think we need to rewrite the Declaration of Independence, as that is essentially what we are saying.

California's network and cable television programming and air waves have been pummeled with ads for both sides of PROP 8, which is a proposition to repeal the previous decision to allow gay-marriage, and to make a ban on gay-marriage as part of the constitution. The major argument has been that if we don't ban gay-marriage that it's going to be taught to kids in schools, and it will destroy traditional marriage. There's a lot in this argument, so let me try to break it down.

To begin with, I'm a happily married man in a 'traditional' marriage, and since they started allowing gay marriage, I can safely say that my traditional marriage has not been torn apart by all the same sex newlyweds. These adds keep focusing on restoring traditional marriage, but as much as I've looked, I found nothing in the language of the legalization that says, "and thus with the establishment of the State of California to recognize same sex marriages, all traditional marriages shall be considered abolished and null". What needs to be restored? I wasn't even aware that anything had been taken away. The only potential problem I see is heavier competition for the services of the ordained to seal the deal. The couple with the traditional marriage may have to wait an extra day for their bouquet to be designed while the floral arranger is finishing up topiaries for George Takei.

As far as the issue of gay marriage being taught in schools - if this is the number one concern in our educational system, than the California public school system is in even greater despair than previously thought. I find it precious that some of these 'education groups' are spending millions of dollars fighting gay marriage while they complain that classrooms can't afford chalk, or new books. What difference does it make if you teach these kids about gay marriage if they can't read 'gay marriage'? But that is not the point. My main argument would be this: Is it more harmful for our children to learn about gay marriage, or for them to be told that it's ok to discriminate against certain people that aren't like them? Is it worse for them to approach a subject that they will certainly learn about later in life with knowledge and acceptance, or with ignorance and fear?

The entire idea that we would write in to our state constitution that certain people should be discriminated against, is fairly odious. If we're going to take that step, why not repeal the right for women to vote, because women aren't really people. Let's also repeal Brown Vs. Board of Education, and go back to 'separate but equal'. As long as we're in the habit of blocking life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness for GLBT couples, let's just go back to the good old days and block those rights for everyone that's not a bible toting, woman loving, white guy.

This whole proposal to ban gay marriage is built on fear. People are always afraid of what they don't know and don't understand. That's a common theme I see in many of the social and political issues that we face today - fear of the unknown. Somehow, a large population of straight people have worked it up in their minds that homosexuals are just a dangerous hoard of perverted zombies that want to infect the rest of the world with their gayness. If we accept gay marriage, than all their children will be infected with the gay virus and turn gay. Then they won't be able to bare them grandchildren, unless they adopt. But even if they did adopt, the baby would be brought up in a gay household and turn gay themselves. Then all they'd want to do is go to art school, watch Oxygen, and sing show tunes, which might turn you gay. Gay!!!! GAY!!!!!!! GAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Are you scared yet?

Try getting a real fear, like heights, or Palin as President. And speaking of the president, let me say how disappointed I am in both candidates accepting civil unions, but not gay marriage. I understand that's just par for the course for the conservatives, so i guess my real disappointment here is with the Obama campaign. When can we get a candidate who fights for what is the right thing to do, rather than fighting for what will get them elected. This shouldn't be an issue of tolerance, but an issue of equality. I simply cannot understand how offering people happiness, as well as civil rights can be a bad thing. Nor can I understand how Ellen DeGeneres marrying Portia de Rossi instead of Joe the Plumber negatively affects my life. If I don't like it, fine, I won't send them a congratulatory fruit basket, but I at least feel they should have the same rights that I do. Who am I to go against the founding principles of this country, as set fourth in the Constitution and Bill of Rights? That's a W. thing. No on Prop 8.

Elephant Vs Jackass went on Vacation and I am well aware that I suck for not posting in two weeks, but I promise to win back your affections.

Ok, I am sorry I stopped posting for a couple weeks in the midst of one of the most important political decisions in our countries history. I was on vacation in places with little or no internet, and was unable to post, and frankly I think I was suffering from "electile dysfunction". Probably, like many of you, I had OD'd, on CNN, and MSNBC discussing the DNC and GOP on my TV. I was beginning to formulate advanced theories about Anderson Cooper being a cyborg, and Paul Begala and Dennis Kucinich forming an underground leprechaun army, and all sorts of other completely off the wall theories. But, after a little down time with the family in the woods, I am ready to steamroll through the rest of this election and beyond. Hopefully you'll forgive me, even if it's to late to 'pologize (hey). I'll make it up to you. I'll take you to a fancy dinner where I'll order us the cheapest bottle of wine possible, we'll both get drunk, and have hours and hours of hot and dirty make-up blogging...I'll pick you up at 8...where something nice.

So, with my apology out of the way, let me fill you in on my trip a little, and then we can move on to voter fraud, Joe the Plummer, Dress-me-up Caribou Barbie, and all sorts of other fun stuff. It was really interesting going back to the Midwest after pissing away here in Los Angeles for most of this election cycle. I had only seen pictures on TV of what a McCain/Palin bumper sticker or yard sign looked like. Frankly, I thought that maybe McCain and Palin were just mythological creatures, like Mormons. But, when I was traveling through Western Pennsylvania and into Northern Ohio, I saw a lot of McCain and Palin signs. Thankfully there are more than enough people in those parts that know that what this country really needs is an erratic, old-balls, self-proclaimed maverick for president, and a comedy writers dream come true waiting in the wings. Of course there were quite a few misguided souls who decided to litter their slowly browning lawns with Obama paraphernalia as well. Don't they know that this is Republican country? You know, the pro-American part of the country. Not the Anti-America part like where I live. Well, I had a very nice visit with my in-laws, and for the most part, adhered to my wife's rule that I could not talk about politics.

The second part of my trip took me to see my family in Michigan, which was astonishingly beautiful at the time with all the leaves changing. From the moment I got in the car with my Dad at the airport and started driving off, I could tell things were quite a bit different in Michigan than they had been in Ohio. Even in very rural area like where my parents now live, I could have hopped across the state from one Obama sign to another (if they weren't made of low-grade vinyl and Popsicle sticks). Even stranger than that was seeing my grandparents. My grandpa is 87 years old and has never in his life voted for a democrat. This year, he will.

Perhaps, that's what gets lost in the rhetoric of 'change'. In places like Michigan, where people have really been hit hard, people aren't just asking their government to change, their asking themselves to. It's easy to lose sight of what's really going on out there when you're living in a place like Los Angeles. In California, we change just for the sake of changing sometimes...wait, I changed my mind on that thought...nope...changed it again...we're ok now. But in the vast majority of the country, change takes a little bit more time to work it's way through the system - take for example all the people I saw wearing Ed Hardy shirts - Ed Hardy is so 2007. Seriously, people are in no hurry to keep up with the 'changing' ways of us California folks. Did you hear the new Bing Crosby album? It's killer.

The point is that, as divided as this country seems, we all seem to acknowledge that we need to change, as a country and as a people. It just takes a little longer for some of us to let go of our VCR's and 8-tracks. Ultimately, you don't do out and get a cell phone because everyone else is doing it, you get it because you think it can make your life easier and better. Change has certainly been accelerated during this election cycle, but as with everything, it does take time.

How Much is $700 Billion Anyway?

With all the crazy bailout talk of the past week or so, that number 700 billion continues to get thrown around like a hot potatoe (I know it's spelled wrong...it's my tribute to the last VP nominee that showed such a vast understanding of nothing).

Anyway, how much is 700 billion dollars? We'll a gentleman named Scott sent me a message about a youtube video he created and asked if I would post it. After checking it out to make sure I wouldn't be adding any "2 girls, 1 cup" material to my squeaky clean blog, I was happy to find that Scott had actually made a really good video that puts this massive bailout into a perspective that makes it very easy to wrap your head around. I encourage you to take a look at Scott's video, and see another way to look at this scary-expensive rescue plan. So, thank you to Scott for the video, and for all you others out there, feel free to take Scott's lead and sent me your videos, comments, etc. If you're really nice to me and promise to make me cookies...I might even let you write a guest blog. (cookies are not actually expected in return for guest blogging opportunities)

AN AMERICAN STORY

Please take the time to give Scott a good rating or comment on his video at youtube.